Why I am fat… again

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Those words were quite hard to type. I can’t believe I am here again. Fat.

If this is something that you are not interested in, kindly move a long. The reason I am sharing this, is to hold myself accountable and to share my journey for those of you who find themselves feeling fat, ugly and hopeless. Perhaps this post will help you not feel quite so alone in your struggles.

I’ve struggled with my weight most of my life. I gained a lot of weight during and after my pregnancy and I finally really did something about in 2014 and I lost a lot of weight. Read about it HERE. I just reread that post myself and I still can’t really believe what I have done to myself.

I was happy, healthy, moderately fit and happy with the way I looked. Then…

In February 2015 I landed up in hospital and had to undergo spinal surgery. That meant that I was on my back for 8 weeks. It also meant that I was no longer allowed to run or do boot camp. I was also not allowed to pick up my child or vacuum the house. I am still not really supposed to be doing most of those things. My heart was broken.

And what do I do when my heart is sore? I eat. And today I have regained all of the weight I lost in 2014 and more!

Over the last year I have tried to lose weight many times. All unsuccessful. And every time something ‘bad’ happened, I would head to the fridge. This has to stop.

I want to be healthy. I want to live an active life. I want to be there for my child. I want to feel comfortable in my own body. And I want to look good!

Now, you are probably wondering how I’m going to do this?

I have been chosen as 1 of 30 contestants to take part in the Slender Challenge competition sponsored by Health Renewal.

The slender challenge

Slender Challenge 8 kicked off today.

We are following the Body Renewal Medical Weight Loss program and you can follow our 12 week weight loss journey HERE.

Wish me luck. I hope this is the last time I ever have to ask for that!

xoxo

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10kgs and counting…

I was looking for a ‘booyah’ gif to start this blog post off with, but they all make it seem like I’m bragging or gloating. And that is not what this post is about. Don’t get me wrong, I am damn proud of myself, but this post is about sharing a bit of my journey and maybe even inspiring someone to do the same.

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I started my A New Weigh journey when I joined the #F2FChallenge that kicked off on 15 September ’14. You can read about it HERE and have a look at my previous results posts HERE and HERE.

I have lost 10.3kgs to date.

As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, I am very happy with my results thus far and 10kgs is a huge milestone for me. But what I have gained on this journey outweighs the weight that I have lost (I am just full of puns today).

I have some of my confidence back. I walk down the street with my head held a little higher than usual. I am no longer walking around trying to blend into the crowd; scared that I may bump into someone I know. It’s not just because I feel better about the way I look, it’s because I am not carrying the shame around anymore. The shame of trying to solve my problems with food, the shame of eating in secret, the shame of eating to the point where my body can’t take it anymore, the shame of forcing food down my throat in an attempt to force down emotions, to keep them buried deep down inside. I feel like a tremendous weight (here I go again) has been lifted. This journey has helped me to redefine my relationship with food. I now see food as fuel and something to enjoy. And yes, I still enjoy eating, but food is no longer my escape or my crutch. My body feels lighter, as does my soul. It is a good feeling.

Thank you to Gaelyn, A New Weigh, and all the #F2FChallengers for being so amazing and helping me to get ME back.

10kgs to go! Watch this space!

xoxo